Learning about each other

Lucy has been almost totally silent since we met on Monday. When shopkeepers speak with her in Cantonese, she won't even make eye contact with them! As she's been slowly relaxing, she's started to make sounds yesterday and just today words. When she's playing intently with something, she starts babbling and we heard her singing in the bathroom a few hours ago. I've been trying to video tape it so that as she starts to lose her Cantonese at least it's documented. She's very shy to speak Cantonese when she knows we're watching - I wonder what makes her shy. Is it just the natural reaction when you're the only one in the room with your language? We've been looking at a photo book I made of her new family, house, yard, etc. As of today, she says Mommy, Daddy, Gigi, Poppa, and Gima. She also says "bear" and "meow" for cat. Incredible!

For a video of Lucy chasing Lorna down the hall, paste the following in your browser:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/4a874d692b0ad6f548a18aa6653610e0/video/14486792
and for a video of Lucy and Kai eating in a restaurant, paste:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/5ce0de16dcccbcfe35893ac6e254985d/video/14486817

Each day that passes, she moves from being shy and withdrawn to relaxed and silly. As she's loosening up, we're beginning to get to know her. We've been running around the halls, kicking balls and blowing bubbles with lots of squeals and smiles. She reaches for our hands, loves to be held and is beginning to show Lorna that she doesn't always go along with her program. She appears to like cars, pink, balls, bananas, elevator buttons, swimming, balloons, broccoli and sparkles. Will is impressed with her left-handed pitch. We have yet to see tears, a cross look / word, or a tantrum...yet. She has such an incredible joyful smile. She kind of throws her head back and does an open-mouthed grin. And I think I'm still objective when I say that she is stunningly beautiful. Both kids just adore her. To view a video of Lucy feeding Will, paste in: http://sharing.theflip.com/session/60d21ad88afd93c53f950feba4c58108/video/14486812

The first few days were jam-packed with government appointments, paperwork and logistics. Now all are sleeping on the new time zone, the nerves of meeting Lucy are gone and we're realizing that we're actually in China. Until we leave on Friday we're just waiting around for her US visa. There's plenty to do at the hotel with its two pools, indoor waterfall and koi pond, playroom and just playing together in the room. The White Swan Hotel is "the hotel" for adopting families. When we were making the reservations, I asked if there was another hotel that I should look at as well. I think her reply was, "no, this is the only hotel for you." (The hotel gave us an adoption barbie from Mattel - no joke - it's a blond bouffant barbie with hot pink high heels holding an Asian baby.) All the families are starting to meet one another from the pool and breakfast buffet. The area around the White Swan is full of shops selling clothes and souvenirs, foot massage, good restaurants and even a Starbucks. We are on a small island, called Shamian Island, in the middle of the Pearl River in Guangzhou. The island was originally owned by successive European powers during the 1800's, as a kind of island colony. Here there are wide tree lined streets with incredible flowers beds, grand colonial buildings and bronze statues. There's massive construction going on around us in preparation for the Asian Games in November. We haven't left the island much up until now except with a guide and driver for appointments or the tourist places our guide has brought us.

We plan to go to a zoo tomorrow to see some pandas. And Monday Will, Lorna and Kelsey will go to her orphanage with our guide. Bye for now!

Settling In

Lucy is settling in wonderfully. She's easily attached herself to me and is slowly finding connections with everyone else. She's a bit withdrawn and very quiet. When she doesn't think anyone is watching she sings songs to herself in Cantonese. I wish I could record some without her knowing. Lorna loves to pick her up, hold her hand and play with her - giving Lucy big smiles. She and Kai are starting to giggle with one another when they're side-by-side in the stroller. Kai is almost exactly one year younger than her but he's definitely heavier. She is about one inch taller, but that's it.

I've taken Kai and Lucy out strolling quite a bit - sometimes with Lorna sometimes without. Kai, with his super-white skin and big blond curls gets lots of attention and even picture requests! Many people, mostly older woman, stop to give me two thumbs up and big smiles. I've asked our guide why they're so happy and he said that they're happy to see kids adopted and also happy to see kids having siblings.

The picture with Kelsey, Kai, Lucy, and Anni was taken during Chinese cartoon time on the TV.

Lucy falls asleep easily, sleeps through the night, naps like a champ and eats everything. The poor thing does get car sick and I'm not sure how the flight home will be.

We are all in love. She's just an angel and Lorna keeps telling us that she loves Lucy WAY more than she loves Kai. We're working on that...

Kai Feeding Lucy

Lucy is getting more comfortable already and seems to enjoy having the little guy stuff the food in!

The First Day

We met Lucy at a government building on Monday afternoon. We decided to let Lorna and Kai nap at the hotel with Kelsey while we went to meet her for the first time. There were about 20 families from all over the world waiting with gifts, teddy bears and tears. We had some trouble with the paperwork - wrong address for us and her name was spelled inconsistently throughout the packet - so we waited and witnessed all the other family reunions. Most children cried, some had serious tantrums but most were short-lived once they held their new doll or teddy bear or had some candy. Once our liaison had our paperwork figured out, she was one of the last ones out. She came right into my arms but was stiff as a board. Her heart was beating so fast and she was shaking. As I held her, she slowly calmed. Within 15 minutes she was nuzzling into the crook of my neck and holding on to me. It turns out she had been carsick most of the 6 hours en route to our meeting. She loves to be held, but is still a bit withdrawn. We've had some smiles, but I think she's physically not feeling 100%. She has a cold, but eats EVERYTHING we offer her.

She slept through the first night and is now napping like a champ. We had interviews with government officials today and then took her for her medical examination to get her US visa. She seems to be in great health.

I couldn't be more in love. She has a sweet, gentle personality. She doesn't like me to put her down and gets anxious when Kai even looks at the food in her hand. All three kids are kissing each other and all is fantastic!

We're here!

Leaving tomorrow

We're leaving tomorrow morning...

I wonder how she's being prepared. What are they telling her? How does a child say goodbye to the only life she's ever known? Is she old enough to understand any of this?

I've read that the more upset they are in the first few days with us, the better. I know that sounds strange, but the fact that she has made attachments to people in the orphanage, bodes well for forming new attachments. It makes me nervous and yet I've handled some big tantrums before. I am so happy that we're not first-time parents going into this. She will grieve, I'm sure - just hope I can give her what she needs in the process.

Imagine, leaving her home, arriving at our hotel and then being left with tall white people who don't speak her language. Will is so good at breaking the ice with kids - he already has lots of ideas. I think having our children there with us will hopefully make it less threatening.

We're not traveling light. Gone are the days when I'd leave the country with a backpack. If I forget something, I bet it was made in China anyway! We're waking up at 4 am. Yikes.

FAQ and a movie

FAQ

Q.What do you know about Lucy's history?
A. All we know is that she was abandoned at a public park at one month of age. She had her birthdate pinned to her white clothing. She was obviously loved and I feel for her mother who I know didn't want to give her up, but was forced to given the culture of boy preference and the one child policy. Can you imagine what her mother went through? Lucy's birth mother will always have a place of honor in our home.

Q.Why adopt when you already have two kids?
A.When I lived in Thailand, sometimes I would go to a market, buy loads of toys, deliver them to an orphanage (lots of AIDS orphans at the time) and play with the kids for the day. It was just so easy to connect with the kids and it killed me that they didn't have loving families. Then when I met Will and we were dating we talked about how we have both been drawn to international adoption and that ideally we would have two biological kids and one adopted. We've been in the process off and on for 6 years! There are hundreds of thousands of kids who need homes and we are fortunate enough to be able to provide one. It's an adventure, a leap of faith, and sometimes I do get anxious with all the unknowns but I always think of Ghandi's quotation, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." And we love kids, the world is that small and love is that big. Yes, Lucy will have a family and our family will have Lucy, an international connection, and lessons in the power of love and bonding. Invaluable.

Q.Does she know any English?
A.Nada

Q.How long will you be gone?
A.Two weeks - back June 5.

Q. How do the kids feel?
A. Kai (almost 2) knows her name from the photo and repeats "Lu-shee" when we say her name but other than that, he has no clue. Lorna (5.5), on the other hand, is ecstatic and cannot wait to meet her. She is missing her dance recital this weekend, but said that of course it's more important to go to China. Good girl! Lorna's most excited about the impending bunk beds but may have a tough time when Lucy touches her stuff.

Q.How old is she?
A.She will be 3 on July 5. Kai will be 2 on July 4 - which is actually July 5 if we were in China. So we get to have cake two days in a row, but know they really share the birth date. (My sister is July 3, so if we're all together that would be 3 cakes in 3 days! I'd be game for that...)

Q.Where will she sleep?
A.At first she'll sleep in our bed. She deserves to have the baby treatment for as long as she needs it. It would probably be so healthy for her to regress - get wrapped in blankets, fed a bottle, carried in a sling - all those rights of passage that she never had. I feel timid typing this, but yes she also deserves to disrupt my sleep for six months to a year. Then when she's ready, a toddler bed in our room, followed by the bed moved to Lorna's room. When we're all good, she'll get the bottom bunk.

Q.When can we meet her?
A.We are going to try to cocoon ourselves for June. Then depending on how things are going, we'll start taking short outings to the park, pool, play dates, etc. We're not signed up for any programs this summer - trying to slow down, bond, and then when she's ready, open this new world up for her bit by bit.

We're all getting ready to meet Lucy!

Kai had his first hair trim this morning and Lorna wanted a bob. She has decided that life is too short to spend time on tangles - I love a girl who knows herself so well! I was so nervous to trim Kai's golden curls, but it seems to curl up so much better now. He wasn't so happy while it happening, though.

Elizabeth took Lorna out for a local ballet performance in Broomfield after lunch. Lorell came by for a visit and caught me vacuuming the garage during Kai's nap. I have never in my life vacuumed a garage.

After dinner I wrapped the requisite eight gifts in red wrapping. Also wrapped the plane gifts for the kids. Trying desperately to prepare as best as possible for the trip. We will be in transit for 25 hours. Our itinerary beginning May 22 and arriving late on the 23rd is as follows:
Denver - San Francisco (3 hours)
3 hours layover
San Francisco - Hong Kong (14 hours)!!!!!
4 hours layover in HK
Hong Kong - Guangzhou - 1 hour

We'll be at the White Swan hotel in Guangzhou for the entire 2 weeks.

And in attending to all these details it also seems important to stop, reflect, and feel the wonder of how our children find their way to us - or maybe how we all find our way to one another.

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle,
but it will never break."
- an ancient Chinese belief

Nesting

I bought shelf liner and vacuumed out the drawers. This is not typical...I feel more pregnant than ever before. With Lorna, she was born before I knew what was happening (at 32 weeks); with Kai I had 2 months of bed rest. And so now, with Lucy, I can enjoy the last days of the pregnancy, so to speak. When I see pregnant ladies around town, I want to say I'm pregnant too! There was always that comaraderie when I was noticeably pregnant before. There's so much to do in preparation to meet her and bring her home. On top of that, there's a trip to plan for 6 people!

Kai and Lorna have been eating their meals with pictures of Lucy in front of them. Lorna likes to bring the pictures close and talk to her about all the things they will do together. Kai points and says, "Lucy." She is already a part of the fabric of the Paradise home. I imagine her with us in all our activities and times as a family.


Today was the May Pole at Star Garden - so sweet and always great for photos. Kai and I picked up Lorna from school in the afternoon and went to the goat farm for our milk and eggs. The baby goats are growing up! When we went two weeks ago, the kids were trying to nurse from Lorna's fingers. They did keep trying to nibble Lorna's skirt while she was posing for the photo. Also I've added some photos of the dump truck that delivered 9 cubic yards of compost for Mother's Day and another of Lorna's cowgirl boots and hat - getting ready for horse camp this summer! Not sure why the pictures were inserted where they were, but I'll figure this thing out.

Never blogged before - but I thought it would be a good way to keep in touch with everyone, in a simplified way, from China. I just hope I can keep up with it. Tina, you keep bugging me to post! What a journey we are about to take - so happy to be doing it as a family. I'm not sure I'll be saying that after our 14 hour flight from SF to Hong Kong. Yikes!

There's a match

In February of 2010 were matched with Xin Fen Mao after more than 4 years of waiting! When Will and I met in 2001 we both talked about a desire to adopt and after two biological children, we still knew that we had one more on the way. And finally here she is! Lucy was born on July 5, 2007 and has lived at the Maoming Social Welfare Institute since she was one month old. She will be right in between Lorna and Kai.