Halloween

The kids are out trick or treating as I type. We've had a great few days of celebration.

We've been to a Halloween party for the mother/daughter group where we bobbed for apples, made lanterns and carved pumpkins. We've also been to the Halloween wonder walk at Lorna's school where the kids "trick or treat" from different magical realms and receive crystals, and honey stix, and other benign treats before popcorn and cider by the bonfire.

Today we wore costumes to Lorna's annual physical, then visited Daddy for lunch and oohs and aaahs at the office. Next we went to Lorna's Halloween parade and now there are out doing the rounds. I remember last year how easily this cultural phenomenon was for Lucy to learn and appreciate!

FYI - Lorna is a red fox!, Lucy a ladybug and Kai a fireman.

Lorna's Seventh Birthday

How did that happen? It is hard to believe that Lorna, my baby, is now seven.

Standing by the wall growth chart, I realize that she grew 5 inches this year! She is now 49.5 inches tall and has gained over 10 pounds. She has changed into a big/little girl. Her appetite is also a total change from a year ago - she eats about as much as I do.

To celebrate, her class had a party on her actual birthday. Will and I came to talk about her birth and baby years to the class, then everyone sang happy birthday. There was a scavenger hunt for a present from her teacher and then we all ate some cupcakes that I brought. (Welcome to Waldorf in Boulder - low sugar, no frosting, and no nuts or possible contamination with nuts.)

That night she wanted just our family to have dinner at home. Her preferred meal was mac n' cheese, carrots and cake pops for dessert. Then we opened all the friends and family presents and quickly had to go to sleep.

On Saturday the 22nd, we have just seven friends over for her party. First we went to paint your own pottery, then back to our house to roast marshmallows, eat s'mores, eat popcorn and drink cider, trampoline and to top it off all the girls made this huge obstacle course in our basement. Tons of fun!

OT

Lucy started Occupational Therapy (OT) for sensory integration in August. Sensory Integration is a new and ever-growing developmental issue for kids. Like autism, no one knows for sure what is causing the rise, but health insurance covers it all. It seems that is the litmus test that it has entered the mainstream. Lucy is suspected to have these issues not because of neurological malfunctioning, but from sensory deprivation as a child. Perhaps without deep holding as a child and free reign to crawl and explore, she couldn’t move through the developmental milestones children do who are not institutionalized.

This whole field of is fascinating to me. New research comes out monthly that affects the way therapists are working with kids. Some things that Lucy did that caused us to take her in for testing were a constant need to bang, touching just about everything and general lack of impulse control.

To sum up – Lucy seeks sensory input like banging because she didn’t get deep touch as a baby and probably spent a lot of time alone in a bassinet and then crib. Deep touch like holding and swaddling develops a human’s proprioception and frontal lobe. The way a 3 and 4 year old can develop this sense is by banging things – their fork on the table, the stroller into the wall, the vase onto the floor. Once that sense gets developed then the frontal lobe’s job of impulse control can take over.

Most of Lucy’s challenging behavior is her way of backfilling the holes in her development. She is being her own therapist. But I am adding lots of appropriate and helpful input as well. We see her therapist once a week. I also do a skin-brushing three times per day and some exercises once per day to help with some reflexes that were never outgrown.

We are already seeing improvement and she likes the “therapy” – she tells me that it feels good. We call her therapist “the silly doctor who doesn’t give shots.”

Gone solar

This past June, we got our solar system up and running! I love getting monthly checks from the power company. Watching the counter clicking higher and higher has been such fun! We also watch each kilowatt of power used – each drop now means so much more.

I was amazed how many governmental – both federal and local – incentives there are. We will have a 30% federal tax credit and Xcel has to pay us to our system! There were also enough financing options to make solar accessible to all.

For all the downsides of technology, there are also these shining examples!

Baby Gray

My step-brother, Davenport, and his lovely wife, Renee welcomed their first child Grayson West on August 20. I have been in need of smelling that newborn’s head. There’s just something about newborns, the smell of their heads and their squishiness that makes it all right. Not that having babies is everyone’s destiny, but for those who want them, I feel such overwhelming happiness for them.

Lorna and I flew out to see them the weekend of October 15 and when I first saw that baby and their joy, it was hard to hold back the tears. He is such a good baby and they are such amazing parents. Happy happy joy joy.

I so wanted to come and be a help - did some shopping and cooking - but quickly realized that the nursing mom is really the only one who can take care. How quickly we moms fall out of practice of the newborn stage. Those blurry days when there are just 6 actions required but they are done 16 times per day. My own memories are of happy disorientation, when my world went from traveling the world to obsessing over this one being’s sleeping and eating. … and then trying to eat and sleep myself. The maximum zoom out to the maximum zoom in.

Alone time with Lorna is always such a treat. We snuggled together and made up stories. I spoiled her a lot and, as she is just learning her letters, got to practice sounding out words. She loves to travel and have adventures – we did go to the ocean in Jupiter with Davenport to put our toes in the Atlantic and build a sand castle. She is getting so grown up and just loved seeing the new baby and spending time with silly Davenport and lovely Renee.

I can’t believe that I didn’t get any pictures! Thought about it as we were just about back on the highway.

Paul's visit

Paul’s visit

Paul Eshoo and I grew up in the same town but got to know one another through our mutual friends, the Lech’s. Paul had just graduated from Berkeley when I had returned from Peace Corps. I think I persuaded him to try it as well. He was a PCV in Nepal soon after. After his return we got in touch again and I persuaded him to lead a trip with Dragons (my ex-employer) to Nepal and then introduced him to Steven Schipani who had been trying to get me to work on a UNESCO project in northern Laos. Paul has been in Laos for 11 years! His most recent job was protecting the last tiger breeding ground in Indochina.

Just last week he came, as he said it, to get his next set of instructions. It was great to see him, hear of his time and of mutual friends in still in Thailand and Laos. I hope we were a compassionate landing place for someone still coming through culture shock. I do believe that being surrounded by three young kids and the necessary accouterments was another form of culture shock. He literally jumped right in to play with them on the trampoline, stayed with a sleeping Lucy while I had to take Kai to the ER for his croup, and braved the Boulder Farmer’s market.

Reminiscing with Paul was a reminder of a very conscious decision made in my life. I could so easily have stayed in Asia. Farangs (foreigners) who speak Thai are a rare commodity and I had two dream job opportunities that I turned away from. I love Thailand and Thai culture, but knew that I would always be the foreigner if I stayed. When traveling I loved to see the various ways that people live, loved to see families and children. So I came home, tried to keep the lessons of Asia with me, and to set down roots. And here I am with three kids, wonderful husband and friends, two dogs, a mini van and a garden full of food! Watch out Paul.

Paul left our house en route to Mesa Verde and the Grand Canyon on his way back to San Francisco. Can't wait to see what happens.

Chinese Heritage Camp

The best laid plans…
I had such high hopes for the Chinese Heritage Camp held up in Winter Park. It’s a national endeavor but based in Denver. All the families have children adopted from China or Taiwan and possibly caucasion siblings. The kids are broken into groups with counselors and learn all about Chinese culture as well as some art therapy sessions with professionals to start talking about their adoption. The parents have volunteer assignments and sessions of their own too. There are some on mah jong, tea of China, navigating racism on behalf of our children, panel discussions, etc.

Well our plans to play mah jong together and sip tea before some in depth discussions on adoption and how to mitigate or foresee some of the issues that Lucy might face, fell flat. The kids had their first three days of school before leaving and with it the exhaustion of new sleep hours, long days and just plain change. I did not foresee Lorna’s trepidation at being the only white kid in the group. She was so afraid and I just did not see that coming. Kai had a bit of the same too, plus he just isn’t ready to jump into the arms of strange, but kind, counselors.
I stayed with Lorna all the first day and Will with Lucy and Kai. So we did participate the first day and Lorna learned a huge lesson on what it feels like to be a minority – something Lucy does 24/7.

When we arrived in the cafeteria that morning, I just looked around at all these mixed race families, these stunning girls and boys, and burst into tears. I literally hurried back to the table with my oatmeal, put my face in my hands and cried. It’s just so amazing to imagine all these babies abandoned in parks, government doorways or busy markets. Helpless and abandoned as babes and here they are with Texan and Boston accents thriving, parents made happy, complete. It’s a beautiful thing! Adoption is such a life affirming, love affirming act. We humans aren’t so bad.

Lucy definitely was taking it all in – made some sweet friends in the little free time we had. I could see her scanning the rooms and just looking at all the faces and possibly pairings of faces – I wish I could know what she was thinking.

No one, probably except me, wanted to go back that night or the next day. So, Will and I decided to call it a camp, made reservations for a trail ride the next day, with swimming in the pool and a trip to some hot springs. Lucy would prefer to be with her whole family rather than a huge auditorium with strangers learning about the culture and language that is still a reminder of her recent past. We all had the best intentions, but we live and learn. It’s such a fine line between exposing her to her culture of birth and treading into some realities that she might not be ready for yet.

Flexibility…

Will's remodel

The remodel of the Whole Foods Market in Boulder is complete. Will has been working on this project for about 6 years. It started with the meetings with the town council, negotiating with Barnes and Noble to move and finally the construction oversight and design.

I’m pretty darn proud of my husband! Here are some photos of the pop jet fountains outside the store. And the new bulk department complete with its own chef and cookbooks to get some ideas on the spot! It reminds me of the reference desk at the library. So cutting edge Will!

18 and counting!

18 and counting!

I have never run more than a 10k before this training schedule but last week I ran 18 miles! No one is more surprised than I am. Running a marathon has long been on my bucket list, not only for the physical challenge but for the mental challenge. “Marathon” is used metaphorically for so many things in our language, but to really do this has been huge for me. Again, going with the metaphors, when running those 18 miles, you’ve got to take care of yourself, making sure to drink enough water, replenish the electrolytes; you listen to yourself say, it would be easier to just stop and walk a bit, but I CAN keep running; if I follow the training schedule set up by those experienced, it really is achievable; we are all more powerful than we think. Distance running is most similar to childbirth than anything else I’ve experienced. Although with running you physically could stop, labor not so much.

On my long run days, I wake up at about 5:30 so I can finish before the heat begins. It is such a quiet and peaceful place out at the Reservoir. I think I’m pretty hard core out there until a Japanese running team flies by me with each runner in perfect harmony, or a coach calling out commands to a pro runner from their mountain bike. Once even there was a photo or video crew driving ahead of a very fit looking guy to film him in action. This is the place where so many elite athletes train – it can be humbling and inspiring.

Next Thursday I do my last very long run – 20 miles before the 26.2. As I’ve slowly worked up to these distances, I have experienced “the wall” several times now - when the body runs out of calories and glycogen and starts drawing from the body itself. It doesn’t feel good - cold and clammy and dizzy. But with the slow build, it hits at about the last 2 or 3 miles, so with each successive run it hits later and later. Pushing ourselves to the edge makes the edge move out further and further – something that is easily translated to every aspect of my life.

The race is September 25 in Half Moon Bay. I’m leaving the family behind and will stay with dad and Val. It was tempting to bring the crew but I knew that I wouldn’t get much sleep nor would they let me rest too much afterwards. This is my journey to see what I’m capable of and to come home and be the best mom I can be to them.

Camping

Success! We had our first camping trip since kids! I was always nervous that Lorna and then Kai would have a rough night and keep the whole campground up. We traded in our backpacking tent for a six person tent that allowed even Will to stand up. We slept with 2 adults, 3 kids and two dogs just fine. For our first foray, we just went up to Golden Gate Canyon State Park about a 45 minute drive with our friends Brian and Kate and their two kids Nora and Clare.

Camping is the perfect trip to do with kids. They can get dirty; there are few reasons to say ‘don’t touch’; and we all really have to work together as a team.

Lucy was definitely challenged by the dirt and the nature all around, but again, bit by bit she is moving away from the concrete world she knew for her first three years. And with evening marshmallows on a stick, the experience will always be worth it for her and all.

Tahoe

There is no place in this world that smells of my youth more than Tahoe. The funky macrame lamp, the stone fireplace that my sister and I helped make, the smell of pine forest and the lake! I love to watch my kids be kids there - do the things I did, stare up at the trees, catch their breath from the cold water, slide down the banister. These days there is the added bonus of spending time with grandparents, aunt, uncle and baby cousin and the hot tub! They spent so much time in that hot tub - poor dad could barely keep up with the chlorine.

We all had a blast - throwing rocks in the lake, took Daisy and TIm's boat to Emerald Bay, tram to the top of Squaw Valley, visited Uncle Tim's helicopter (and neighboring fire trucks), oohed and aaahed at baby Charlie, rented bikes, paddle boats, Will and I ran along the stunning Rubicon Trail, and down time around the cabin.

Train trip!

For our annual summer pilgrimage to Lake Tahoe this year, we decided to change it up and take the train. My Uncle Ed, was a train nut and so partially inspired by him and my kids' constant building of train tracks and their accompanying train whistles, I booked us in a sleeper car from Denver to Truckee.

Right from the beginning, the experience was like stepping back in time. We got a recorded call the night before telling us that the train was currently three hours late and by morning could lose more time. Or, the recording said, it could make up all the time it lost and arrive as scheduled. Well, with a scheduled 8am departure, we weren't quite sure what to do with that information. We ended up going to Denver station as planned and dropping our bags. The station attendants were apologetic, stored our luggage, gave us a taxi voucher and reimbursed us for our breakfast! We walked around Lodo and had no problem killing time.

The really do yell, "All Aboard!" and whistle while going through the towns. Kai kept saying, "woowoo! That's us, mommy!" We ate in the dining car, had our beds turned down by the car attendant, hung out in the observation car and met lots of European travelers. Near Glenwood Springs, Lucy and I saw a bear standing on its hind legs just 20 feet from our passing train. We also saw antelope and lots of river rafters. What a stunning way to see the Rockies! And we all slept solidly through the night.

It was a smart decision to take the plane home, but so glad for the train adventure!

Lakhpa-pa

More than 20 years ago, Will stumbled upon a monastary just off the beaten path up to Everest. Inside was an 11 year-old monk, named Lakhpa who lead the chants and banged the gong. During Will's stay he got to know this young boy and there started a friendship that has lasted the years and continents. That same Lakhpa excelled at school, where he walked an hour each way. He then continued his studies in Kathmandu and is now earning his Master's degree in New Zealand. And through the years, they have kept in touch. Will has been back to Nepal about 4 times since that first meeting.

It is very hard for Nepalese to get visas to the US, but because he was in the midst of a Master's program he was able to come. Lakhpa stayed with us for two weeks in the middle of July. We had a blast! And the children LOVED him. Oh the tears when he left! The kids started to call him Lakhpa-pa. He has a wonderful giggle and an open-heartedness that made him the best of houseguests. While he was here, we took him on a few hikes, to a baseball game, CU campus, a real American shopping mall, and just observing the day-to-day life of America. He and a friend in Fort Collins made us a wonderful Nepalese feast where we got to learn how to make momo's (or dumplings).

After our return from travels we all really miss him and feel his absence. What a special treat it was to have him here.

Cape Cod

We had a most incredible beach rental for a week on Black Beach in West Falmouth. This was Will’s favorite beach growing in nearby Buzzards Bay and we got to watch our Boulder friends walk down the seashell-lined aisle here 6 years before. Behind our “new house” was a sand-filled path over the dunes. At low tide, the sand bar was a prime playground for the kids. The first day on the beach, the kids kind of looked at me like, ‘well what do I do here?’ And by the last day, they were collecting shells, burying their legs and sculpting them into mermaid tails.
This was Lucy’s first time on an airplane and second night away from home since the flight from China. I sensed some anxiety, but her natural sense of adventure over-rode it most of the time.
On this trip we got to visit and reconnect with Will’s family, Anni’s Peace Corps buddy, Ginny and her daughter Aliya, Will’s friend Dick, and Anni’s college roommate Missy Daniels Madden. We even walked by and took photos of Dad’s old fraternity house in Back Bay.

Will’s mom, Tina, brother Chuck, and Nephew Damian’s family are all based in Buzzards Bay just as you cross the bridge onto Cape Cod. Will’s grand-nephew is just months older than our Kai, so that was fun to get the kids together. And the kids just love spending time with their Gigi. Gigi and Lorna spent a nice day together exploring Gigi’s ‘hood. And when Lucy got wind of that, she declared that she wanted the same. The next day Lucy and Gigi had their own outing to the ice cream store. We don’t get to see Will’s family very often so it was nice to have some quality time together.

Step Families

Our first night on Cape Cod, we met up with Val’s family. I was fortunate enough to get to know when I lived briefly in Boston and now our kids are similar ages. Lucy immediately took to Great Aunt Pam (pictured here beating her grandson in ladder ball) and called her Grandma. Her daughters, Jennifer and Kendra, call Pam a “varsity grandma” because she just jumps in with confidence and the kids will follow.

We don’t know what we call each other, but I’m glad to call them family. And glad to cross paths in Falmouth.

Magical Images

Yet another week of camp for Lorna. This one was called "Magical Images" through a local outdoor education school. The children learned to notice nature through the eyes of a photographer. Each afternoon, we looked at the photos she had taken that day on my computer, using terms like "rule of thirds" and "framing" and "layering effects". Mind-boggling. I love what she captured and to glimpse her "lens".

There is no end to the cool camps offered in the summers here in Boulder. We have one left - an art camp at her friend Isabel's school. (Isabel is her best friend since just 6 months of age and who attends a regular public school.) It will be great to spend time in Isabel's world and see where she spends her days.

Although they don't go to school together, these summer camps have been a great way for them to spend time together and Carolee and I share in the driving and extended play dates

July 5

(I meant to post this earlier but didn't)

(The new photographer on the scene is Lorna! She has been learning to take pictures with my old digital camera and I love what she captures.)

July 5th is a day to celebrate in our home but on this day somewhere there is a woman who must be remembering her beautiful daughter that she brought into this world. I think of Lucy's birthmom often, but today especially I know that we are both wondering/ worrying about the other. I can't imagine birthing this gift of a child and knowing or worrying that I might have to give her up for adoption.

The reasons that Chinese families give up their girls is more complex than just a cultural gender preference. In a world without retirement plans, families must have a son. A daughter in China moves to her husband's family and contributes to only his family, so parents who farm or who are poor have no means to support themselves in old age. This is starting to change in the cities where the parents could work for a company that offers pensions. The government is starting to push for that. The other big factors are the in-laws: they are usually the decision makers for giving up the child or not. Usually the mothers have very little power over what happens to their daughters and infanticide is still a big issue.

We will never know what the circumstances were surrounding Lucy's abandonment at one month, but because she was placed in a high traffic park and had her birthdate pinned to her blanket I believe she was loved and that the loss was felt deeply by the mother, if not the whole family. I hope that birth mom feels peace and secure that Lucy has found a loving home. But on this day and perhaps all July 5's, I will also feel such empathy and know that today, we are both wondering and sending love to one another.